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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Pastor Invites Congregation to ‘Netflix and Chill’ Night at Local Church

September 23, 2016 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Things got real awkward on Wednesday after people showed up to Rev. Gary Braun’s ‘Netflix and Chill’ night at the local Mennonite church. Braun, 63, says he tries to stay “with it” and thought […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Accidentally Performs First Ever Infant Baptism

September 20, 2016 Andrew

NEWTON, KS The first infant baptism in the history of the Mennonite church was performed last Sunday in Newton, Kansas, as a local pastor used a little too much water in his pouring of 24-year-old expectant […]

Unger Conviction

Church Leaders Permit Waitresses to Work on Sundays

August 28, 2016 Andrew

KRONSGART, MB After lengthy deliberations, leaders of a local Mennonite church have decided that the day of rest need not apply to female restaurant servers. “Sunday is a day of rest,” explains Rev. John F. Stobbe […]

Unger Conviction

Woman Stocks Up on Fungal Cream Prior to Foot Washing Service

August 13, 2016 Andrew

MORDEN, MB While some Christian denominations view washing of feet as a symbolic gesture, Mennonites have traditionally taken the commandment literally, and many churches hold services dedicated to the spreading of humility and foot fungi. In […]

Unger Conviction

9 Pound Mennonite Baby Miraculously Born Three Months Premature

August 4, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Just six months after Peter and Elvira Doerksen were married in the Altona MCMB church, the couple experienced the miraculous birth of their firstborn son Timothy. “We’re really glad that he was a healthy […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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