The Unger Review
  • Sections
    • The Daily Bonnet
    • Headline Contest
    • Unger Conviction
    • Unger Games
    • Unger the Influence
    • Unger Suspicion
    • Unger & Thirst
  • Mennotoba
  • The Daily Bonnet
  • The Best of the Bonnet
  • About The Unger Review
  • Andrew Unger

Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Hands Out Fidget Spinners to Keep People Alert During Boring Sermon

June 4, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN After receiving numerous complaints about the length and monotony of Pastor Johan’s sermons, the local MBB church had decided to hand out hundreds of fidget spinners to keep the people occupied at this morning’s service. […]

Unger Conviction

A Mennonite Guide to Earning Your Salvation

June 2, 2017 Andrew

New documents published by Conrad Grebel in the early 1500s have finally put to rest the age-old Mennonite question of how to go about earning your place in Heaven. While Calvinists believe that some people are […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Forbids Standing in Church, Claims it ‘Leads to Dancing’

May 26, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Head pastor of Northwest Goshen MBC, Heinrich Yoder declared that standing would no long be permitted in church services as it had a very high risk of leading to dancing. “We need to […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Claims ‘Prophetic Gift’ After Predicting Rain this May Long Weekend

May 21, 2017 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Local man Andrew R. Penner has declared himself a prophet of God after he accurately predicted there would be heavy rain this Victoria Day long weekend. “See, look, I told you so,” said […]

Unger Conviction

Guest Gets Totally Lost on the Way to 100 Huntley Street

May 21, 2017 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Hosts of popular Christian television program 100 Huntley Street were sent into a panic this past Thursday as CCM recording artist Dan Belle didn’t show up on time for the taping. “I had […]

Posts pagination

« 1 … 76 77 78 … 91 »
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram

More from the unger review

  • New Biopic Reveals Freddie Mercury’s ‘Secret Wild Mennonite Life’
    February 16, 2019
  • Abbotsford Family Subsists All Summer on Blackberries Picked By the Side of the Road
    July 28, 2023
  • Mennonite Man Finally Escapes Snow Maze After Spring Melt
    March 7, 2021
  • Failure to Preheat the Oven Has Mennonite Family Scrambling for Chicken Chef
    October 12, 2022
  • SkyDome to Be Replaced with Massive Doug Ford Statue
    December 1, 2020

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

HOME OF

Copyright © 2025 The Unger Review - All Rights Reserved