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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

‘Holy Kiss’ in Mennonite Church Lobby Becomes Total Make-out Session

January 24, 2019 Andrew

HOCHSTADT, MB When Ms. Fehr greeted Mr. Martens with a holy kiss in the church lobby this past Sunday, the two discovered they had a spark and began to totally make-out beneath the coat rack. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Accidentally Attends English Service After Sleeping In and Missing German Service

January 19, 2019 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB For the first time in her life, Mrs. Johan Klassen of Rosenort attended a “worldly church service” in the English language. After a late night of canasta with the girls, Mrs.  Klassen slept […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Shut Down Has Anabaptists Reluctantly Attending Episcopal Churches

January 14, 2019 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA A nationwide Mennonite church shut down, now the longest in U.S. history, has Anabaptists scrambling to figure out “where the heck we’re going to worship on Sunday morning.” Most have decided to give […]

Unger Conviction

Church Cell Group Consists Mostly of Endoplasmic Reticulum

January 8, 2019 Andrew

CALGARY, AB A new scientific analysis from the University of Southern Alberta has demonstrated that the vast majority of church cell groups consist of nothing more than endoplasmic reticulum. “We were hoping to find some […]

Unger Conviction

New Pill Cures Hymnal Dysfunction

January 2, 2019 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN As Mennonite men age, many of them experience a decreased ability to hold a hymnal upright during the service. Doctors in Mountain Lake say Hymnal Dysfunction affects one in three men over […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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