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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

New Pill Cures Hymnal Dysfunction

January 2, 2019 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN As Mennonite men age, many of them experience a decreased ability to hold a hymnal upright during the service. Doctors in Mountain Lake say Hymnal Dysfunction affects one in three men over […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Bravely Opts to Forgo Candle Drip-Guard

December 24, 2018 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Brave Mrs. Allison Koop, 41, decided to toss away the paper candle-wax guard during tonight’s Christmas Eve service. Koop is widely regarded as the toughest woman in Mountain Lake for her ability […]

Unger Conviction

Local Mennonite Church Becomes First Ever to Make it All the Way Through ‘Der Friedensfürst’ Without Messing Up

December 22, 2018 Andrew

WITMARSUM, BRAZIL The EMMBC church of Witmarsum, Brazil is in celebration tonight after becoming the first Mennonite church ever to successfully make it through the complex four-part harmonies of ‘Der Friedensfürst‘ without a single screw […]

Unger Conviction

Grandchildren Completely Baffled by Oma’s Gesangbuch

December 16, 2018 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB Oma was very excited to sing out of the old German Gesangbuch with all the grandkids at the Plett Christmas gathering this Sunday, but soon realized things weren’t going to go nearly as smoothly […]

Unger Conviction

Fight Breaks Out Between Winkler’s Top Two Fäasenjas 

December 14, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Two of Winkler’s most noted Fäasenjas broke out into a fist fight this Sunday at the Christmas service. They were right in the middle of “Lobt Gott Ihr Christen Allzugleich,” when Mr. Wiebe slugged […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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