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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Discards Hymnals Because No One Can Read Music Anymore

September 15, 2019 Andrew

NEWTON, KS The Second Mennonite Church of Newton, Kansas has decided to ditch their hymnals after it was discovered that not a single person in the congregation could read sheet music anymore. “Oh, sure, Mrs. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Confesses to Voting NDP

September 10, 2019 Andrew

REINLAND, MB Local man and former church deacon Mr. Rempel was forced to go up in front of his congregation this week and apologize after it was discovered he had voted NDP in two of […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Teens Excommunicated for Not ‘Following Back’ the Youth Pastor

August 29, 2019 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Seven Mennonite teens have been excommunicated from their church this week after failing to follow back the youth pastor on Instagram. “Here I am trying to build up a decent list and these […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Concerned She Might be Anglican

August 19, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A young Mennonite woman from Winnipeg has been wondering lately whether it just might be that she’s actually an Anglican. Miss Enns, 23, started having Anglican thoughts a few years ago and has […]

Unger Conviction

Millions Show Up for Mennonite Church Service in Upstate New York

August 15, 2019 Andrew

LOWVILLE, NY Over a million people have turned up this weekend to a Mennonite church service on Max Yoder’s farm in upstate New York. The service, billed as “3 Days of Peace and Music,” features […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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