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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Deceased Members of “One True Church” Find Heaven Super Lonely

November 27, 2020 Andrew

HEAVEN Deceased members of a local congregation claiming to have “figured it all out once and for all back in 1973” have found Heaven super boring and lonely. “I’ve been up here since the summer […]

Unger Conviction

Moses Walks Back the Ten Commandments

November 12, 2020 Andrew

MT. SINAI After forty long days up on the mountain, Moses came down this week and announced a brand new set of unchangeable commandments. Or, so he thought. Moments after chiseling the commandments in stone, […]

Unger Conviction

“People just keep coming forward”: ‘Just As I Am’ Played Continuously Since 1967

November 10, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB When Mrs. Helen Penner sat down to plunk away at ‘Just as I am’ in 1967 at the quonset on Mill Street in Steinbach, little did she know that the response to the […]

Unger Conviction

Church Approves Muting Pastor’s Mic at Upcoming Service

October 22, 2020 Andrew

NASHVILLE, TN Attendees at the upcoming South Nashville Mennonite Church service this Sunday will be given the ability to mute the pastor whenever they think he’s off base or speaking out of turn. “After last […]

Unger Conviction

Congregation Forced to Repeat “Good Morning” Over and Over Until it’s Loud Enough for the Pastor

October 20, 2020 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Darryl Friesen, 41, the hip new associate pastor at West Seminole Mennonite Church, took the stage for his sermon on Judges 19 this Sunday and was shocked by the half-hearted “good morning” he […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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