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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Usher Duct Tapes Unruly Parishioner to Church Pew

August 12, 2021 Andrew

WAKARUSA, IN An unnamed local man was flying off the handle in church this Sunday and had to be restrained with duct tape by South Wakarusa Mennonite’s top usher Mr. Beck. “He was clearly intoxicated […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Newlyweds Look Like “They’ve Been Practicing”

August 11, 2021 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK When Maria Driedger and Peter Wall tied the knot this past Saturday, gasps went out throughout the crowd as their “first kiss” appeared to be anything but. “A dip and a swirl and […]

Unger Conviction

Stop Playing God! 7 Ways You’re Playing God Without Even Realizing It!

August 3, 2021 Andrew

Oba, all those people with their modern medicine and science yet! Not only are they completely disregarding the instructions of their trajchtmoaka or alternative medicine practioner, but the worst thing is they’re playing God. God […]

Unger Conviction

Church Group Hires Private Investigator to Follow Around the Klassens

July 30, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB New documents suggest that a local church group hired a Private Investigator last month to dig up dirt on every Klassen in the Province of Manitoba. “It’s always good to keep tabs on […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Celebrates 150 Years of Passive Aggressive Behaviour

July 3, 2021 Andrew

FRADLIJCHTHAL, SK A local Mennonite church is coming together this weekend to eat dill pickles and commemorate their long-standing commitment to passive aggressive behaviour. “As one of the historic peace churches, we know that this […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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