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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Area Church Declared “Apostate” for Not Being Big Enough Jerks

June 3, 2022 Andrew

GRUENHIMMELSCHANTZ, SK One local church has come under intense scrutiny, as of late, for being “insufficiently jerkish” for the rest of the churches in the area. “They’re apostates. We can no longer fellowship with folks […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Overturns Hoe v. Spade

May 4, 2022 Andrew

LEETONIA, OH A leaked church bulletin suggests the South Leetonia Old Order Mennonite Church is set to reverse the controversial 1973 Hoe vs. Spade ruling that required all Mennonites to do their gardening using the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church to Hold Weeklong Series of Meetings to Decide Matters that Easily Could Have Been Settled in a Couple Emails

May 2, 2022 Andrew

KIDRON, OH The Southside North Kidron Mennonite Church is hosting a week-long series of meetings to settle a couple matters that could have been decided via – max – two quick emails. “Thank you, everyone […]

Unger Conviction

Meet the ‘Steinbach Reads’ 2022 Contenders: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John

April 25, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB It’s an annual tradition in Steinbach. Every year enthusiastic local readers defend a choice of book and the final book is required reading for the entire community. This year, the panel will be […]

Unger Conviction

GCer Wins Safe Passage Through Treacherous Fraser Valley Full of MBers

April 21, 2022 Andrew

GREENDALE, BC Art from Rosthern, self-proclaimed king of the GCers, was travelling through the Fraser Valley this week en route to Vancouver, where he heard he just might find the Holy Grail or at least […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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