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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Elon Musk Buys Mennonite Church, Appoints Himself Pastor

November 2, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Elon Musk is on a buying spree it seems, as reports out of Fresno, California this week indicate the billionaire has recently purchased the local MB church, fired all the staff, and appointed […]

Unger Conviction

New Pill Makes Mennonite Church Service Tolerable

October 29, 2022 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC After decades of research, a brand new pill has been approved by the Mennonite Health Service that makes Sunday morning church services just barely tolerable. “I don’t use this term lightly, but it’s […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Vows Never Again to Ask English Prof to Read the Children’s Story

October 26, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB All the children ages 3 to 11 at East Winnipeg MBCC church were called up to the front for the children’s story this Sunday morning, when renowned CMU English professor Dr. Leroy Klippenstein […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Folds a Record 300 Bulletins in Just 5 Minutes

October 25, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area woman Lana Koop, 43, set an all time record this past Sunday by folding and stuffing more than 300 bulletins in just five minutes. “I knew that people would start filing in […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Unveils New “Choir of the Runny Noses”

October 2, 2022 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON After two years of suppressing every cough, sneeze, and sniffle, the folks at Third Mennonite Church of Kitchener have decided to let it all out and make a joyful noise unto the Lord. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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