TORONTO, ON
LCBO stores across Ontario were flooded with American booze this afternoon, with a shocking amount of high end bourbon. Apparently, Canadians insisted that if they were going to put American booze back on the shelves it had to at least be Pappy Van Winkle 23 year.
“Okay, fine, I guess, we’ll let you sell American booze,” said Ontario Premier Doug Ford. “We’ll put it back on the shelves, if it means I can get my hands on some Pappy.”
In Manitoba, Premier Wab Kinew was reluctant to put it on the shelf.
“As far as I’m concerned Patent 5 whiskey is just as good,” said Kinew. “But if it means we can export our steel, I’ll guess we’ll take some Pappy Van Winkle, too.”
Meanwhile, Mennonites of southern Manitoba were very excited about the announcement, but only because they mistakenly thought it was Pappy Van Winkler.
