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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

9 Pound Mennonite Baby Miraculously Born Three Months Premature

August 4, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Just six months after Peter and Elvira Doerksen were married in the Altona MCMB church, the couple experienced the miraculous birth of their firstborn son Timothy. “We’re really glad that he was a healthy […]

Unger Suspicion

Area Woman Still Can’t Tell the Difference Between Mennonites and Hutterites

August 3, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After living in southern Manitoba for more than two decades, Samantha Williams, originally from Saskatoon, still can’t tell the difference between the various Anabaptist denominations. “There’s the Mennonites – I think they’re the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Divorced Mennonites Remain Cousins, Legal Expert Says

August 2, 2016 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA Settling an age-old question that had baffled legal scholars for centuries, renowned barrister and American law expert Aganetha L. Schneider of Harrisonburg claims there’s no longer any room for debate when it comes to Mennonite […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Enters Rehab with Waffle Addiction

August 1, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Residents are already calling him the ‘Amy Winehouse of Waffles,’ and after an entire weekend where he consumed more than three hundred waffles and fifteen gallons of white sauce, local man Arnold Warkentin […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Shunned for Marrying Outside Her Precise Denominational Affiliation

July 31, 2016 Andrew

BERGTHAL, MB Esther Brandt, 18, was shunned by her community and church this past week because she married outside the faith. Brandt grew up in the CMMC church, but her new husband, Johan Fast, is […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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