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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Accidentally Performs First Ever Infant Baptism

September 20, 2016 Andrew

NEWTON, KS The first infant baptism in the history of the Mennonite church was performed last Sunday in Newton, Kansas, as a local pastor used a little too much water in his pouring of 24-year-old expectant […]

Unger & Thirst

McDonalds Adds ‘Mennonite Tomato Soup’ Made From Ketchup Packets to Menu

September 19, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Inspired by patrons in Winkler, Steinbach and other predominantly Mennonite communities that McDonalds serves, the international fast food chain is testing out a new menu item: tomato soup made from ketchup packets and water […]

Unger & Thirst

Rowdy Steinbach Hockey Fan Dumps Schmaunt Fat All Over Winkler Man

September 18, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Things got pretty intense on Friday at the junior hockey game between fierce rivals the Steinbach Windmills and Winkler Teetotalers. Security guards were unable to prevent one overly passionate Steinbach fan from dumping […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Grandmother Reacts With Disgust to Granddaughter’s Top

September 17, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Mary Esau, 72, of Altona, Manitoba was completely disgusted this past week by her granddaughter’s striped tank-top and skinny jeans. Lindsay Esau, 23, had taken time out of her busy University schedule to drive […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Couple is Pretty Sure ‘Love Your Neighbour’ Isn’t Literal

September 16, 2016 Andrew

NEUENDORF, MB Empty nesters, Jeff and Nicole Klassen, are certain that the ‘neighbour’ referred to by Jesus is, like, way on the other side of the world and not the nosy spinster next door. “I like […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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