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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Meet the Woman Behind the Pistachio Pudding Shortage

October 9, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Every Thanksgiving thousands of Mennonites find themselves without the necessary means to make the traditional pistachio salad from the EMMC ladies cookbook, because the stores run out of Jell-o pistachio instant pudding mix […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mr. and Mrs. Dyck Still Don’t Get the Joke

October 8, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mr. and Mrs. H.W. Dyck of North Kildonan still don’t understood why non-Mennonite young people seem to fly into hysterics whenever they hear their surname uttered. “I went to the big mall over there to […]

The Daily Bonnet

2016 Nobel Peace Prize to be Shared by All Mennonites

October 7, 2016 Andrew

OSLO, NORWAY The Nobel committee in Oslo has taken the unusual step this year in awarding the annual Peace Prize to “every single Mennonite on the planet.” The committee was particularly impressed with Mennonite conflict […]

Unger & Thirst

Blue Jays Apologize After Mennonite Man Pelts Outfielder With Knackzoat

October 7, 2016 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The Toronto Blue Jays received a little help from the stands on Tuesday, as a passionate Mennonite fan continued to pelt Baltimore Orioles outfielders with knackzoat throughout the crucial Wild Card playoff game. […]

Unger & Thirst

All Steinbach Bars to Be Annexed By Neighbouring Municipality

October 6, 2016 Andrew

LA BROQUERIE, MB Voters in the rural municipality of La Broquerie have approved a motion this week to annex all the bars and lounges in the neighbouring Mennonite city of Steinbach. “Back when Steinbach was […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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