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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Black Bumper Mennonite Develops Severe Chrome Fetish

December 8, 2016 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA According to his psychologist, it was sometime after an accident with an SUV that scuffed the black paint off his bumper, when area man Benjamin Horning developed his abnormal obsession with chrome. “Deprived […]

Unger Conviction

‘Presumptuous’ Mennonite Man Brings His Own Bible to Church

December 8, 2016 Andrew

REINFELD, MB Reverend V.D. Harder was furious with the “arrogant, and presumptuous behaviour” of one of his parishioners this past Sunday who had the “sheer gall” to bring his own Bible to church. Mr. Friesen is thought to […]

Unger Conviction

Three Mennonites Hospitalized After Brutal Drive-By Shunning

December 7, 2016 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Three young Mennonites are in critical condition this weekend after a random drive-by shunning at a local Wal-Mart. “We’re not yet sure what prompted the shunning,” said Police Chief Dennis Dueck. “We think […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Unimpressed With Ken Ham’s Replica Ark

December 6, 2016 Andrew

WILLIAMSTOWN, KY Young Earth creationist Ken Ham’s $100,000,000 replica of Noah’s Ark in small town Kentucky has attracted visitors from near and far, including a few Mennonites who were willing to shell out the hefty […]

The Daily Bonnet

B.C. Relatives are Really Proud of Their Inability to Survive Harsh Manitoba Winters

December 6, 2016 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Mennonites across the Fraser Valley, many of whom once lived on the frozen prairie tundra, have gone soft in recent years and can no longer survive more than a few minutes outside their […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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