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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Offering Plate is Always Mysteriously Empty After it Passes By Old Mr. Klassen’s Row

December 11, 2016 Andrew

ALT-BERGFELD, MB Ushers at Alt-Bergfeld Mennonite Church are baffled by how utterly empty the offering plate is whenever it passes by Mr. Klassen’s row. “We just can’t figure it out,” said Mr. Friesen. “I’ve ushered […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dad Kills Deer With the Car, Tells Horrified Children ‘Bambi’s Just Having Meddachschlop’

December 10, 2016 Andrew

REINLAND, MB On a family outing to Kenora this past weekend, local dad Arnold Koop of Reinland smacked right into a deer with the family Caravan. While the carnage seemed to horrify his young family, the […]

The Daily Bonnet

2016 Mennonite Christmas Shopping Guide – Ten Thousand Villages vs. Wal-Mart

December 10, 2016 Andrew

With the Christmas season fast approaching, Mennonites around the globe are faced with a quite the quandary about where to spend their holiday dollars (or guaraní). On the one hand, Mennonites are more-or-less obliged to get the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Blows Entire Paycheque at Cabela’s

December 9, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local father and outdoor enthusiast Peter Neufeld, 41, is drawing criticism from family and friends after blowing his entire November paycheque on hunting and fishing stuff this past weekend. “I really wish he would […]

Quizzes

Vote Now To Determine Which Side is Jantsied!

December 9, 2016 Andrew

After almost a century-and-a-half of furious debate, Mennonites on both sides of the Red River have still not yet determined which side is the “other side.” Instead, residents in the West declare that their side […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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