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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

George Orwell Elected Mayor of Lancaster, Pennsylvania

November 21, 2016 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA In reaction to the recent increase of people being nice and friendly and sticking to the rules, the predominantly Amish city of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, has decided to elect dystopian author George Orwell as […]

The Daily Bonnet

Totally Normal Steinbach Bungalow to be Preserved at Local Museum

November 21, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A completely normal 900 square foot bungalow built in 1978 has been given a historic designation and will be moved to the local village museum where it will be preserved for generations to come. […]

Unger Conviction

Mannequin Challenge or…Mennonite Worship Service?

November 20, 2016 Andrew

SHICKLEY, NE Omaha resident Hank Newman took a drive out to Nebraska Mennonite country and was shocked to discover that the recent viral ‘mannequin challenge’ had already reached the area. “I attended a Mennonite worship service […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler, Manitoba to Officially be Renamed ‘Vankler’

November 19, 2016 Andrew

VANKLER, MB Winkler, Manitoba, the crown jewel in Manitoba’s Mennonite crown, has many things going right for it. But one thing that’s going wrong is the egregious mispronunciation of the city’s name by innocent outsiders […]

Unger Suspicion

Pacifist-Thriller ‘Hacksaw Ridge’ Lures Reluctant Mennonites into Movie Theatre

November 18, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For decades rural Manitoba movie theatres had trouble convincing more conservative elements of the population that attending movies was not actually explicitly forbidden in the Scriptures. Ever since the invention of moving pictures in […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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