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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

‘Mennonite Pickers’ Find Treasure Trove at Local Dump

February 24, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The local dump, or nuisance grounds as it’s commonly called by Mennonites, has provided quite the bounty of stupid crap for local pickers Arnold Loewen and Edna Dueck. “They don’t really like us […]

The Daily Bonnet

Stars of ‘Hymn Sing’: Where Are They Now?

February 23, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB For more than thirty years, Winnipeg singers delighted audiences on Sunday afternoons on the hit CBC television show ‘Hymn Sing’. Many former ‘Hymn Sing’ members have gone on to do great things. We’ve caught […]

Unger Suspicion

Public Uproar As Thousands of Refugees Descend on Western Canada

February 22, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Newspapers throughout Western Canada have published editorials and letters in strong opposition to the wave of refugees who desire to come into Canada. Here are a few things that people have said: “We […]

Unger Conviction

Fists Fly After Loewen Family Sits in Penner Family Pew

February 21, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Fifteen members of the Loewen family and twenty-three Penners were hospitalized this past week after a brawl broke out at the local Mennonite church. The brawl seems to have been initiated after four […]

Unger Suspicion

Kurt Cobain Would be the Same Age as Your Uncle Peter Today

February 20, 2017 Andrew

SEATTLE, WA Legendary Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain would be fifty years old today, which is exactly the same age as your Uncle Peter who works at the local chicken hatchery. “I always thought of Uncle […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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