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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Global Mennonite Weight Increases 50 Million Pounds Over the Holiday Season

January 2, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Scientists at the Center for Mennonite Health in Lancaster, Pennsylvania have estimated that the collective weight of Mennonites on planet Earth reached 420 million pounds during the 2016 holiday season, an increase of […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Pastor Offers Mennonite Hangover Cures

January 1, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB In his morning sermon, a local pastor at Steinbach’s EMBM church is providing his congregants with sage advice to overcome holiday hangovers. “I’m a practical man,” said Pastor Tim. “I’m giving the people […]

Unger & Thirst

Steinbach Water Tower to be Filled With Champagne for New Year’s Eve

December 31, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Once the most prominent structure on the Steinbach skyline, in recent years the water tower has been surpassed in prominence by the SCU building, the curling rink, and numerous ever-expanding churches. In an effort to […]

The Daily Bonnet

2016 Daily Bonnet Year in Review

December 31, 2016 Andrew

Here’s a countdown of the ten most read posts on the Daily Bonnet in 2016. There were more than a few posts about politics, but after that crazy year we had, I figured few people […]

The Daily Bonnet

The Proper Pronunciation of Common Russian Mennonite Surnames

December 30, 2016 Andrew

As Mennonites, most of us can relate to the English saying our surnames in a wide variety of abominations. Heck, even some Mennonites say their own last names incorrectly. In order to address this problem, The […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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