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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

90% of Heavy Metal Bands Fronted by Pastors’ Sons

September 10, 2017 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA A new study out of the University of Middle Harrisonburg reveals that the vast majority of heavy and/or death metal bands are fronted by the sons of pastors, frequently of the Mennonite or […]

Unger & Thirst

World’s Longest Farmer Sausage Stretches from Blumenort to Steinbach

September 10, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Measuring 9.8 kilometres and weighing in at more than 17 tonnes, the neighbouring towns of Blumenort and Steinbach have just entered the Guinness Book of Records with the world’s longest farmer sausage. The […]

Unger & Thirst

Prankster Leaves Cases of ‘Free Beer’ on Mennonite Doorsteps

September 9, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Home-owners across southern Manitoba were shocked to find cases of ‘free beer’ on their doorsteps this morning. Apparently, late last night some prankster decided to test out the theory of whether Mennonites would […]

Unger Games

NFL Team to Hold ‘Conscientious Objector Appreciation Day’

September 8, 2017 Andrew

PHILADELPHIA, PA After decades of going out of their way to associate American football with the United States military, one NFL team has decided to buck that trend and honour Conscientious Objectors, including members of Mennonites, […]

Unger Suspicion

Joke Crosses the Line Yet Again Today

September 7, 2017 Andrew

LINECASTER, PA During a recent stroll through Linecaster, Pennsylvania, Miss Caroline Yoder, a 31-year-old joke and local resident, boldly crossed a line, which had many of the townsfolk sorely upset. The town council immediately called a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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