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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Church of Scientology to Occupy Vacant Main Street Buildings

October 4, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB In an effort to expand its holdings in southern Manitoba and bring the good news of L. Ron Hubbard to the “lost and blinded people of Steinbach,” the Church of Scientology plans to […]

Unger Games

Toronto Maple Leafs Pursue First Goal Since 1967

October 4, 2017 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Expectations for the Toronto Maple Leafs are quite high this year. Having not scored a goal in fifty years, fans are hoping that this will finally be the year that the curse is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Eye New Colony in Antarctica

October 3, 2017 Andrew

GRYTVIKEN, ANTARCTICA After running out of room and finding sin all over the Americas, thousands of Mennonites are now seriously considering relocating to the last un-inhabited place on earth: Antarctica. “The Devil found us in […]

Unger Suspicion

Stash of Sears Catalogues Discovered Under Hugh Hefner’s Mattress

October 2, 2017 Andrew

HOLMBY HILLS, CA Days after the world’s most famous misogynist Hugh Hefner passed away at the age of 91, cleaning staff at the Playboy Mansion found a large stash of 1970s Sears catalogues beneath the […]

Unger Suspicion

Donald Dueck Marries Daisy, Cousin Mickey Not Invited

October 2, 2017 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB After a long courtship that included numerous lovely swims through the local gravel pit, Donald Dueck, 25, of Kleefeld, and his fiance Daisy, 22, finally tied the knot in a small ceremony at an […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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