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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

More than a Dozen Friesens Found Frozen in Friedensruh

February 27, 2018 Andrew

FRIEDENSRUH, MB Well, it finally happened! The Friesens of Friedensruh were found frozen just outside the family farm this Friday. According to forensics, the Friesens have been frozen since Fall, but thanks to rising temperatures […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Mom Sentenced to Three Years Watching ‘Peppa Pig’

February 26, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB As punishment for who the heck knows what, a Manitoba judge has sentenced local mom Samantha Hiebert to three years watching the world’s most annoying show Peppa Pig with her daughter Amy. “I’m […]

Quizzes

What is your favourite Russian Mennonite food?

February 25, 2018 Andrew

Yesterday, we asked which Russian Mennonite foods you had tried. The top ten most common were: 1) Vereniki 2) Dill Pickles 3) Formavorscht 4) Cabbage Borscht 5) Roll Kuchen 6) Cold Cuts 7) Whipped Cream/Jell-O […]

Unger & Thirst

How Many of These Common Mennonite Foods Have You Tried?

February 24, 2018 Andrew

How many of these Russian Mennonite treats, many of which we stole from the Ukrainians and Poles, have you consumed? (I’m not knowledgable enough about Swiss Mennonite food to make a list of 50. If […]

Unger Suspicion

New Evidence Suggests Second Amendment Was All Just Satire

February 24, 2018 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Historians at a prominent American university have uncovered evidence that may radically alter our perception of the supposed “right to keep and bear arms.” According to recently uncovered documents, the entire Second Amendment […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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