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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Excited for Latest Instalment in the ‘Harder Boys’ Series

June 3, 2018 Andrew

BLUE CREEK COLONY, BELIZE Mennonites are lining up outside bookstores throughout Belize in anticipation of the new Harder Boys adventure. The books, now numbering several hundred, features wholesome brothers Johnny and Abram Harder who solve […]

The Daily Bonnet

Politically Correct Glossary of Mennonite Terminology

June 2, 2018 Andrew

In the 21st century, even Mennonites need to change. And sometimes that means changing our terminology for various things. In an effort to use more sensitive language and avoid offence, the Daily Bonnet has created […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadian Government Spends $4.5 Billion on Old Useless Crap From Mrs. Penner’s Garage Sale

June 1, 2018 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The Canadian government announced Tuesday that it would be spending more than four billion dollars of taxpayer money on purchasing “whatever useless crap those Mennonites have for sale at their garage sales this […]

Unger Suspicion

Don Cherry Says Suit is Inspired By Mennonite Floor Patterns

May 31, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON CBC broadcasting legend Don Cherry is known for his loud clothing, but throughout the playoffs he has been sporting “suits inspired by Mennonite floor patterns.” “I’ve been to Neubergthal and the museum there […]

Unger Suspicion

Jordan Peterson Refuses to Use God’s Preferred Pronouns

May 30, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Controversial University of Toronto professor Jordan Peterson has been become infamous in his efforts to battle so-called “political correctness,” and has resolutely refused to use the preferred pronouns of many individuals, including, apparently, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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