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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Hipsters Flock to Rural Manitoba to Take Selfies with Knackzoat

August 8, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB After being warned to stay away from the sunflower plants, thousands of Winnipeg hipsters have descended upon corner stores and gas stations across southern Manitoba to have their pictures taken next to bags […]

Unger Suspicion

Pope Francis Bans Death Penalty; “Except, of course, for manspreaders,” he says

August 7, 2018 Andrew

VATICAN CITY Pope Francis modified centuries of church teaching this week by calling for the near complete abolishment of the death penalty, except for “particularly heinous crimes such as manspreading and those freakin’ annoying guys […]

Unger Suspicion

Selfie-Taking City Woman Eaten By Giant Mutant Venus Sunflower Plant

August 6, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB This summer thousands of city people have been flocking to the countryside to trample on farmer’s fields and take their stupid selfies with sunflower plants. Now it seems, the plants are beginning to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Holem de gruel, Armin Wiebe’s website is entertaining yet!

August 5, 2018 Andrew

Well, I was doing some research yet about the language of my people and such and I found out that the great Mennonite novelist Armin Wiebe has an excellent section of his website called “Gutenthal […]

Unger Suspicion

Millions of Homeless Canadian Refugees Flock to US Border After Heatwave Melts Igloos

August 4, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After temperatures soared to five or ten degrees above freezing this August, igloos have melted across Canada, leaving desperate parka-clad Canadians with no choice but to descend on the United States in large […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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