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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites React to Doug Ford’s ‘Buck a Beer’ Plan

May 30, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Brother of late great Toronto mayor Rob Ford, Ontario PC candidate Doug Ford has gained a lot of attention for his unconventional policy proposals during this provincial election campaign. Recently, Ford proposed to […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Shun Patrik Laine For Shaving Off His Beard

May 28, 2018 Andrew

TAMPERE, FINLAND After a playoff run that ended in disaster against the Vegas Knights, Winnipeg Jets superstar Patrik Laine has left the Mennonite faith and decided to shave off his beard and toss his suspenders […]

The Daily Bonnet

Quilt Cartel Jacks Up Prices at Mennonite Relief Sale

May 27, 2018 Andrew

NEW HAMBURG, ON According to sources, a group of Mennonite ladies from southern Ontario have banded together to control the supply of quilts into the region. The cartel, known as the Ontario Producers of Elaborate […]

Quizzes

What’s Your Denomination?

May 26, 2018 Andrew

There are quite a few theological quizzes out there, but most of them leave various types of Mennonites off the list. This quiz will give you a good sense of where you’re at. Who knows, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Caught “Enjoying Hot Wings” at Hooters

May 25, 2018 Andrew

MISHAWAKA, IN Local man Andreas Miller, 51, was spotted on social media in the background of a photo taken at the local Hooters restaurant. The photo was immediately brought to the attention of the pastor, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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