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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Local Grocery Store Opens New ‘Mennonite Aisle’

October 11, 2018 Andrew

LYNDHURST, VA Desperate to capitalize on the growing Mennonite market, the local Thrift-and-Save Grocery Barn has decided to open up an aisle dedicated to things that Mennonites tend to purchase such as sausage, German Bibles, […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Hockey Fans Yell ‘True North’ During Hymn Sing

October 10, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB As the Winnipeg Jets played their home opener last night, Mennonite hockey fans across the province are excited for the upcoming season. Some were so excited that they spontaneously yelled “True North” in […]

Unger & Thirst

Shocking Details Revealed in Margins of Mennonite Woman’s Cookbook

October 9, 2018 Andrew

BOW ISLAND, AB Mrs. Kehler had the great misfortune of leaving her Mennonite Treasury Cookbook sitting out on the counter when she lay down for a nice afternoon nap this past Sunday. Soon photos of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Confuses Genealogy Website for Dating App

October 8, 2018 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Aghast at the prices of more famous ancestry websites, local woman Amy Penner decided to subscribe to Grandma’s Window, a much more affordable website dedicated exclusively to Russian Mennonite genealogy. The problem […]

Unger Suspicion

Henderson, Nebraska Officially Declared “The Middle of Nowhere”

October 7, 2018 Andrew

HENDERSON, NE After exploring small isolated towns across the globe, the United Nations has officially declared a small Mennonite town in eastern Nebraska as “the Middle of Nowhere.” Henderson, Nebraska, population 991, beat out Dalmeny, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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