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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Now that Grandma’s Passed, the Hieberts Can Finally Stop Having So Many Family Gatherings

June 26, 2018 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Although nothing has been officially decided, it’s quite clear from the sense of relief that has swept over the Hiebert clan, that we won’t be having another Hiebert gathering anytime soon. Now that […]

Unger & Thirst

Area Man’s Fingers Permanently Stained By Ketchup Chips

June 25, 2018 Andrew

MISSISSAUGA, ON Local man Peter Lehman, 39, of Mississauga has been left permanently disfigured this week after eating ketchup chips. According to Lehman, after an hourlong session during which time he ate two bags of […]

Unger Conviction

Pastor’s Wife Wears ‘I Really Don’t Care, Do You?’ Jacket to Church

June 24, 2018 Andrew

AKRON, PA Mrs. Melanie Troyer, 43, wife of Reverend Dilbert Troyer, showed up to church this morning sporting a “I Really Don’t Care, Do You?” jacket that she purchased online at Zara. The Troyers were […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Catfishes Dozens of Men With Notes in Church Mailboxes

June 23, 2018 Andrew

ST. JACOB’S, ON Catfishing, an online scam using false identities to win people’s trust for financial gain, has become a huge problem in recent years, with people across the globe falling prey. So far Mennonite […]

Unger Games

New Bombers Quarterback Inspired By Patrik Laine’s Mennonite Beard

June 23, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Rookie Winnipeg Blue Bombers quarterback Chris Streveler filled in for an injured Matt Nichols on Friday night and led the team to a 56-10 rout over the Montreal Alouettes. As notable as his […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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