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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Accidentally Hires Seminary Graduate

February 11, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB “It seems we’ve been duped,” said Altona MEMBCM board chair John B. Friesen. “We never would have hired Pastor Jim had we known he was actually a highly-trained and educated individual.” Friesen is […]

Unger Suspicion

Elon Musk Launches Buggy Full of Mennonite Elders Into Space

February 10, 2018 Andrew

CAPE CANAVERAL, FL Pioneering SpaceX and Tesla founder Elon Musk launched a Mennonite buggy, complete with five grumpy members of the local church elder board, into outer space on Friday. The historic launch is the […]

The Daily Bonnet

General Conference and Mennonite Brethren Form Joint Olympic Team

February 9, 2018 Andrew

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA For the first time since the great schism of 1860, the General Conference and Mennonite Brethren will compete together in the Olympics under a unified flag. The United Mennonite Team is seen […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Mennonites’ Deemed Offensive, To Be Replaced with ‘Personnonites’

February 8, 2018 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Protestors surrounded a Mennonite church in Edmonton this week demanding that it immediately remove the offensive gender-specific label of ‘Mennonite’ from all signage. “We say ‘Personnonites’ now,” said one protestor as he defaced […]

The Daily Bonnet

Bump of Packed Down Snow at the End of Mr. Penner’s Driveway Declared Manitoba’s Highest Peak

February 7, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A one foot tall mound of packed down snow on Mr. Penner’s driveway has been officially declared the tallest mountain in Manitoba. “Move over Baldy Mountain, my driveway is king now!” said a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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