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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple Faces Barrage of Questions After Wife Pulls Up to Church in the Driver’s Seat

March 20, 2018 Andrew

OSLER, SK Mr. and Mrs. George and Aggie Brandt of Osler were held for questioning by the church board this week after pulling onto the parking lot of South Osler Mennonite with Aggie at the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Hides Geocache in Church to Attract New Members

March 19, 2018 Andrew

AKRON, PA In an attempt to be more “missional” and attract new members, Pastor Dave of West Akron Mennonite planted five cleverly hidden geocaches in his church this past Sunday. “It worked out great. We […]

Unger Conviction

Choir Director Admits He Really Doesn’t Know What the Heck He’s Doing with His Arms

March 18, 2018 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Mr. Peter Friesen, choir director at Third Mennonite Church in Saskatoon, admitted in a candid interview this past week that he’s basically just standing up there and flailing his arms about randomly. “It’s […]

Unger & Thirst

5 Alcoholic Beverages You Can Easily Sneak Past the Elders

March 17, 2018 Andrew

Mennonite elders aren’t usually too keen on drinking, and even though they’ve got no Scripture to back it up, they punish offenders very severely for even the slightest infraction. For example, just last week, Mrs. […]

Unger Suspicion

Area Man Manages to Keep Windshield Clean for a Record Five Minutes

March 17, 2018 Andrew

GIMLI, MB Local man Olaf Einarrson, 47, of Gimli, managed to keep the windshield of his Honda Odyssey relatively clean for almost a full five minutes this morning. Although not officially confirmed, many are saying […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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