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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Hypnotist Claims to Remove Mennonite Schmaunt Fat Cravings

July 20, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mennonites flocked to the Days Inn in North Kildonan this week in hopes of eliminating their schmaunt fat cravings by a very unique method: hypnosis. Renowned American Mennonite hypnotist Nobrane has been charging […]

Unger Suspicion

Hutterite Woman Rollerblades Her Way Into Mennonite Man’s Heart

July 19, 2018 Andrew

FRIENDLY ROAD COLONY, AB Miss Rebecca Kleinsasser of Friendly Road Colony caught the attention of bachelor Peter Wiebe at the Dairy Queen in Taber this week. Wiebe was particularly enamoured by Kleinsasser’s pink rollerblades and ability […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Water Tower to Feature Glass Bottom Viewing Area

July 18, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Steinbach’s world famous water tower is getting a bit of an upgrade this fall with the addition of a 20 square foot glass bottom viewing area. The attraction, which is budgeted at just […]

Unger Conviction

Pastor Insists on Preaching Exclusively from The Authorized Kevin James Version Bible

July 17, 2018 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Pastor Ron of South Mennonite has been preaching the Word for close to two decades and despite pressure from some of the younger people to “get with the times” he has been adamant […]

Unger & Thirst

Recent Overdoses in Altona May Be Linked to Star Anise

July 17, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Three Mennonite men have been released from Altona Hospital this past week following consumption of Aunt Bertha’s chicken noodle soup which police say may have been laced with excessive amounts of star anise. “This […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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