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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Forgets to Remove Nikes Before Burning Them

September 10, 2018 Andrew

HENDERSON, NB Mr. Allan Janzen of Henderson is being treated for first degree burns this week after lighting his Nikes on fire while still wearing them. According to family members, Janzen was burning his shoes […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Man Survives Three Days and Three Nights in the Belly of a Red River Catfish

September 9, 2018 Andrew

LOCKPORT, MB Local man Jonah Neufeld, 35, of West Kildonan was out fishing at Lockport with his buddies Darrel Froese and Joel Peters this past weekend, when he was suddenly pulled into the Red River […]

The Daily Bonnet

Penner Discovered in Reimer Book

September 8, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Shock waves are spreading throughout the Mennonite community of Steinbach this week as a Penner was discovered in the Reimer book. It’s not known how the Penner got into the Reimer family tree, […]

Unger Suspicion

New Improved Horse Gets Up to 60 Miles Per Carrot

September 7, 2018 Andrew

HESSTON, KS The folks at Hershberger Horses and More have been working hard over the past few centuries to improve carrot-efficiency in local horses and the results have finally paid off. With regular maintenance, their […]

Unger Suspicion

Like and Share if You Think People Should Stop Indicating their Agreement by Liking and Sharing

September 5, 2018 Andrew

Friends, Mennonites, countrymen, lend me your ears! For too long we’ve been told that the entirety of our self-expression is tied to our willingness to like and/or share stupid memes on Facebook. We are told […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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