Ever since the Blumenbach Landfill announced that they would now be accepting mattresses, Mennonites across the region have been flocking to the site to both discard and acquire these precious items.
“Once you hose it down in the back yard and let it dry overnight, you can hardly even tell it’s even been in a landfill,” said local thrifting expert Earl Doerksen. “A little mysterious stain never hurt anybody.”
Officially the landfill does not allow people to leave with more than they brought, but area Mennonites have found ways around that rule.
“Go at dusk and distract the workers with ammonia cookies,” said Doerksen. “Then you whip around to the back where they burn the mattresses. Some of the best mattresses are slightly charred, but I usually can rescue them before too much damage is done.”
Doerksen says he’s been sleeping on landfill mattresses his whole life and hasn’t noticed any ill effects.
“My grandparents slept on landfill mattress, my parents slept on landfill mattress. It’s a long-standing Doerksen family tradition,” said Doerksen. “If all goes well this mattress season, I will have accumulated enough spares in my backyard that my children’s children’s children will reap the benefits and sleep on landfill mattresses of their own!”
Doerksen celebrating his recent acquisition by inviting all the neighbours to join him for a BBQ, featuring “a delightful set of dinnerware and cutlery that some crazy person tossed in the trash last week.”
(photo credit: Greg Chiasson/CC)