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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Confuses Genealogy Website for Dating App

October 8, 2018 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Aghast at the prices of more famous ancestry websites, local woman Amy Penner decided to subscribe to Grandma’s Window, a much more affordable website dedicated exclusively to Russian Mennonite genealogy. The problem […]

Unger Suspicion

Henderson, Nebraska Officially Declared “The Middle of Nowhere”

October 7, 2018 Andrew

HENDERSON, NE After exploring small isolated towns across the globe, the United Nations has officially declared a small Mennonite town in eastern Nebraska as “the Middle of Nowhere.” Henderson, Nebraska, population 991, beat out Dalmeny, […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Tinkers with Grandma Penner’s Recipes

October 6, 2018 Andrew

HOCHFELD, MB For the past three years, local bachelor Darryl Penner, 41, has been attempting to improve his grandmother’s beloved Mennonite recipes and, just this past weekend, he finally decided to reveal his improved versions […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Child’s Macaroni Art Purchased by the Louvre

October 5, 2018 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE For the first time in its long history, the world’s most prestigious art museum will include Mennonite macaroni art as part of its collection. Starting this fall little Jessica Berg’s ‘Self-portrait in Macaroni […]

Unger & Thirst

Coming this October to a Mennonite Church Near You: Pumpkin Spice Baptisms!

October 4, 2018 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Desperate to capture the lucrative 25-40 market, the First Mennonite Brethren Church of Fresno has decided that all baptisms during the month of October will be conducted with Mrs. Jansen’s famous pumpkin spice […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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