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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Rogers Crew Getting Really Fat From All This Mennonite Food

March 10, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After hitting up Winkler last weekend and Steinbach this weekend, the Rogers Sportsnet crew has gained an average of twenty-three pounds in just two weeks. “When we chose to do Hometown Hockey in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Manitoba’s Most Progressive Mennonite Man Moves His Clock Forward an Hour

March 10, 2019 Andrew

REINHOF, MB A man from the small hamlet of Reinhof is being hailed as a “free-thinking radical” after moving his clock forward an hour last night. “What can I say,” said Mr. Reimer. “I’ve always […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Man Becomes Instant Millionaire After Sales Tax Drops By One Percent

March 9, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man, Mr. Klassen, of North Kildonan is eagerly anticipating the reduction of the Provincial Sales Tax from eight to seven percent this summer. The change will mean such a huge boost in […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Can’t Figure Out What to Give Up for Lent Since Everything Fun is Already Forbidden

March 8, 2019 Andrew

INTERCOURSE, PA Mennonites across North America were baffled this week as other Christians were doing something called “Lent” for forty days. “Apparently they give up something pleasurable to God for forty days,” said Andrew Miller […]

Unger & Thirst

Controversial Mennonite Woman Cooks Up Batch of Somma Borscht in Winter

March 7, 2019 Andrew

HOCHFELD, MB Mrs. Plett of Hochfeld really shook things up at the soup and pie fundraiser this week after brazenly cooking up a batch of somma borscht in the dead of winter. “Oba nay, the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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