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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Local Mall Offering Free Stretcher Service for Shoppers During Holiday Season

December 1, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Beginning with Black Friday and ending on Christmas Eve, the Frosty Shores Mall in Winnipeg will be offering customers free gift wrapping, parking validation, and an escort out of the building on a […]

Unger & Thirst

Mysterious Jars in Cellar Turn Out to Contain Oma’s Delicious Green Bean Soup

November 30, 2019 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB The Penners of Blumenort were excited to discover a huge collection of Oma’s delicious Jreen Schaubel Sup in the cellar this past week. The green bean soup had apparently been in there since the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Yoder Shortage Leads to Unrest in Lancaster County

November 29, 2019 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA A late summer drought this year has led to a dramatic shortage of Yoders this harvest season and civil unrest in Lancaster County. “I don’t like to say anything negative, but those Yoders […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Inspire Tesla to Release ‘New Improved’ Cybertruck

November 28, 2019 Andrew

PALO ALTO, CA After a disastrous launch that saw two windows shattered and a design that was universally mocked as looking like a cast-off from the 1980s, Telsa owner Elon Musk consulted with a Mr. […]

Unger Suspicion

Cheech & Chong Heading Straight for Niverville

November 27, 2019 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB After hearing the results of the recent cannabis plebiscite in the Mennonite town of Niverville, Cheech & Chong loaded up their VW van and hope to be in town by this weekend. “We’ll […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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