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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Dating Mennonite Couple Go Over to Grandma’s to Make Sure They’re Not Too Closely Related

July 17, 2020 Andrew

BLUMENORT, SK Emily Wiebe, 20, and Patrick Penner, 19, have been dating since they first met in period 5 History a couple years ago. Now things are getting serious and they decided they better pay […]

Unger Suspicion

Rather than Actually Fix the Road, One of these Bright Orange Signs Should Do the Trick

July 16, 2020 Andrew

THOMPSON, MB It’s orange-sign season in Manitoba, as officials have sent workers all over the province to put up signs telling people where the potholes are. “Hey, you can’t say we didn’t warn you,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Morden Hockey Team to be Known as the “Not Winklers”

July 15, 2020 Andrew

NOT WINKLER, MB A Morden junior hockey team has decided to adopt a new nickname that was the most fitting and local name they could think possibly think of: The Not Winklers. “We scratched our […]

The Daily Bonnet

Innovative Mennonite Kids Fill Super Soakers with Hand Sanitizer

July 14, 2020 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS Just when everyone thought that water fights in the summer of 2020 would be a no-no, the innovative Koop kids of Goessel came up with a creative solution: hand sanitizer. “It’s not the […]

Unger & Thirst

Heretical Mennonite Man Smothers Perogies in Sour Cream

July 13, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man, Abe Sawatzky, 67, shocked a whole table of cousins at faspa on Friday after foregoing the schmaunt fat and smothering his cottage cheese perogies in sour cream instead. “Diewel devil shinda! […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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