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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Pourer Gets Dunked Just to Make Sure

June 1, 2020 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS Local man Mr. Klassen has lived his whole life with deep-seated fears that his pouring baptism at the age of 19 just wasn’t good enough. “So, I’ve finally decided to get dunked,” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Brings Inferior Zoat to Bonfire

May 31, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man Richard Dyck, 57, is facing a slew of criticism this week after bringing something other than Ronnie’s knackzoat to a local bonfire. “I don’t know what came over that man. If […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastors Release New ‘Tracing App’ that Tracks How Much Time You’ve Spent Reading the Bible

May 30, 2020 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Concerned pastors in the Abbotsford area have hired a local tech firm to create an app that traces how much contact each member of their congregation has had with the Word of God. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Town Holds Massive Parade to Honour Local Man Who Did the Dishes

May 29, 2020 Andrew

REINLAND, MB Local man Timothy Toews, 36, decided he’d try to earn himself a few minutes of meddachschlop this week and hand-wash a beer glass he’d used earlier in the afternoon. When his wife Amanda got home, […]

Unger Suspicion

Music Fans Celebrate as Ticketmaster Earns Zero Dollars this Month

May 28, 2020 Andrew

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA With concerts being cancelled around the globe, the one silver lining for music lovers this year has been the fact that the gougers at Ticketmaster didn’t earn a single penny in recent […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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