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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Golden Boy Tests Positive for Covid

November 2, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB According to a press conference held this afternoon, the Golden Boy that sits atop the Manitoba Legislative Building has just tested positive for Covid and will now be required to go into isolation […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Woman Turns Her Clock Back to 2019

November 1, 2020 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Rather than going back just one hour, one local woman decided to move her clock back a whole year to a time before the complete dumpster fire that was 2020. “I figured, hey, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Mandatory” as “Like Totally Optional, Whatever Man”

October 31, 2020 Andrew

BLUMENSTEIN, MB Webster’s Dictionary has just announced a list of wacky new words for 2020 including “permaculture”, “freegan”, “awesomesauce”, and “mandatory”, and defines the latter as “like totally optional, whatever man.” “We’re very pragmatic in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Excited as Halloween is Cancelled this Year

October 31, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Thousands of Mennonites across North America have been spared the trauma of having to witness like Timmy in a cowboy outfit or little Sarah all dressed up as Wonder Woman. “Halloween cancelled? Well, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Doctor Shortage Finally Solved as Thousands of Medical Experts Appear Online

October 30, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The doctor shortage in southern Manitoba has finally been solved as thousands of people in the area are now apparently fully-fledged medical experts. “We’ve seen a huge surge in medical expertise, not just […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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