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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Honour Dad by Making Him Come Over and Fix Stuff

June 21, 2020 Andrew

WICHITA, KS A young Mennonite couple invited Dad over this Sunday afternoon to fix the leaking tap and a couple other things that were wrong with the house. “Happy Father’s Day, Dad,” said Samantha Penner. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Happy, Pentecostals Sad as Ontario Bans Dancing in Church

June 21, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Churches are reopening in Ontario this week with a number of restrictions. On the top of the list is a ban on dancing. Unsurprisingly, the new law has devastated Pentecostals but absolutely thrilled […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Loses Thousands Betting on Replays of Last Year’s Football Games

June 20, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Mr. Unger was so excited to finally be able to watch some Canadian football games this week that he bet his friend Mr. Toews more than ten thousand dollars that the Ticats […]

Unger Games

NHL Says 11 Players Have Tested Positive for Mullets

June 19, 2020 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY The 2020 NHL season is in grave doubt this week after the league announced that 11 players have already tested positive for mullets. “After reopening arenas and practice facilities on June 8, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Homeschool Grad Has Drive-In Ceremony on His Own Driveway

June 19, 2020 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Following the model of high schools across the continent, 19-year-old homeschooler Danny Wiebe of Leamington, Ontario pulled the family minivan onto the driveway this afternoon for his COVID-safe graduation ceremony. “I gave him […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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