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Articles by Andrew

Unger Games

Connor Hellebuyck Reassures Jets Fans He Won’t Ever Play That Well Again

February 23, 2026 Andrew

MILAN, ITALY Just minutes after Team USA goaltender Connor Hellebuyck single-handedly won an Olympic gold for his team, he sent a message to reassure Winnipeg Jets fans he won’t ever play that well again. “Certainly […]

Unger Games

Massive Stockpile of Silver Medals Discovered at Local Thrift Store

February 22, 2026 Andrew

MILAN, ITALY It didn’t take long and about fifty silver medals belonging to the Canadian men’s and women’s hockey teams have been discovered at the thrift store in Schanzenfeld, Manitoba. “Yeah, we’ll put them on […]

Unger Conviction

Abbotsford Man Has No Excuse to Miss Church Tomorrow Since He’ll Be Up at 5 AM Anyway Watching Hockey

February 21, 2026 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Jacob Fehr of Abbotsford has been rather sporadic in his church attendance as of late, but Pastor Dan says he has absolutely no reason to miss church tomorrow since he’ll be up by […]

Unger the Influence

James Talarico Article Pulled from the Unger Review

February 19, 2026 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TEXAS The renowned Mennonite satire site The Unger Review had intended to run an article schputting Texas political candidate James Talarico, but had to pull it at the last minute for unknown reasons. “He’s […]

Unger Games

Canadian Curler Accused of “Knipsing” Stone

February 18, 2026 Andrew

MILAN, ITALY Canadian curler Mark Kennedy has been accused of taking a few strategies from crokinole this week at the Olympics. “The replay clearly shows he knipsed the stone after the hog line,” said curler […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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