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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

White House Running Critically Low on Toilet Paper and Bleach

October 6, 2020 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Toilet paper and bleach supplies are running critically low at the White House this week after the “royal family” and all their staff came down with some mysterious condition that only toilet paper […]

Unger Suspicion

Forecast Calls for Nothing but Fog this Autumn

October 5, 2020 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Environment Canada is predicting fog to strike about 30 to 40 % of the adult population this season, unless you wear contacts or have one of those fancy face masks with the pinched […]

Unger Conviction

Thousands of Geese Congregate at the Pond by the MHV for Steinbach’s Largest Church Service

October 4, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB With the pandemic restricting the size of human church services in the Steinbach area, it seems the local Canada goose population has decided to flaunt their ability to congregate uninhibited. “Not even the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Fits Entire Bag of Spitz in His Mouth at Once

October 3, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Area man Steve Toews, 38, is being hailed as a local hero this week after he stuffed an entire bag of dill pickle Spitz in his mouth at once. “It was the church […]

Unger Suspicion

‘Schitt’s Creek’ Rebranded as ‘Schmidt’s Creek’ for Sensitive Southern Manitoba Market

October 2, 2020 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Emmy-winning and wildly popular Canadian sitcom Schitt’s Creek has been rebranded Schmidt’s Creek in the southern Manitoba market. “Oba, waut de schissjat is this yet!” said Mr. Klassen flipping through the channels. “A […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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