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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Local MP Comes Out as Flat Earther

August 9, 2021 Andrew

STEINKOPP, MB After months of speculation where he refused to say one way or another, Steinkopp MP Bed Sulk has put the speculation to rest and come out as a staunch anti-round Earther. “I’m always […]

Unger Suspicion

Man Who Believes Any Stupid Crap He Reads Online Thinks You’re the One Who’s a Sheep

August 8, 2021 Andrew

DOMMHEIT, AB Local man Mr. Kooltje, 43, who gets all his information from memes and YouTube videos, believes that those who don’t believe stupid crap they find online are “sheep.” “They’re just obeying whatever the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Convinced He Has a 50% Chance of Winning 50/50 Draw

August 7, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mr. Goossen was at a slo-pitch tournament in Winnipeg this week when he decided to give up his lifelong abstention from gambling and buy a 50/50 ticket. “I know I’m not supposed to […]

Unger & Thirst

Willy Warkentin Offers 5 Golden Tickets to Visit Cheese Factory

August 6, 2021 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB The elusive and mysterious Willy Warkentin will finally come out of hiding after ten long years and plans to offer public tours of his famous cheese factory. “I have hidden five golden […]

Unger Suspicion

Area Man to Play Just One More Game of Tetris

August 5, 2021 Andrew

OMAHA, NE Local man Earl Bergmann, 47, of Omaha has been playing “just one more game of Tetris” since he got that Nintendo Entertainment System during Christmas 1989. “Just one more game, Mom, just one […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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