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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Pitcher Throws No-Hitter While High on Yerba Mate

May 27, 2021 Andrew

MONTREAL, QC It was fifty years ago today that Pieta Ens, rookie phenom for the Montreal Axpos, threw a complete game no-hitter while high on what many believe was yerba mate. “His demeanor was erratic, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbachers Elect Peter Falk as New MP

May 26, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Continuing their longstanding tradition of electing Falks and Barkmans, residents of Steinbach have resoundingly decided to send Peter Falk to Ottawa. “We were happy with Ted, but when we heard we could get […]

The Daily Bonnet

Warman, Saskatchewan to be Renamed Peaceman

May 25, 2021 Andrew

PEACEMAN, SK City council of Warman, Saskatchewan has voted 4 -2 in favour of renaming the town Peaceman in honour of the town’s pacifist Mennonite community. “For decades our town’s been getting a bad wrap. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Becomes Conscientious Objector After Watching Too Many Hockey Fights

May 24, 2021 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Mr. Eby of Kitchener was very excited to watch the Leafs game this afternoon, but after binging on the NHL for the past week, has decided he’s boycotting the spot entirely from now […]

Unger Suspicion

Brian Pallister Sends Out Emergency Alert Warning Manitobans that He is Still Premier

May 23, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB On Friday afternoon, thousands of Manitobans were startled with an emergency alert on their phones warning them that Brian Pallister is still in charge of things around here. “Waut de schissjat is this […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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