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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple ‘Devastated’ after Narrowly Missing Registration Deadline for Church this Sunday

April 24, 2021 Andrew

YARROW, BC Pamela and Thomas Bueckert of Yarrow, BC put off registering for church on this lovely Sunday morning just long enough that all the spots were taken and they had to spend their morning […]

The Daily Bonnet

Plautdietsch Ranked as ‘World’s Saxiest Accent’

April 23, 2021 Andrew

SCHÖNWIESE, MEXICO Move over French, there’s a new accent in town: Plautdietsch! According to a new survey conducted by Guillermo Toews of Schönwiese, Mexico, Mennonite Low German (aka Plautdietsch) is the “saxiest accent in the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Shortens Sermons to 90 Minutes for the Summer Months

April 22, 2021 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Pastor Pete of North Southside Mennonite has graciously decided to shorten his sermons to a more tolerable 90 to 120 minutes for the summer months. “Hey, I know how it is in the […]

Unger Suspicion

Vaccinated 40-Year-Old Suddenly Has Kick-Ass Cell Phone Coverage

April 21, 2021 Andrew

VITA, MB When local farmer Dale Krause signed up to get vaccinated this week, he had no idea of all the added benefits the shot would bring. “Suddenly I’m getting a full four bars even […]

Unger Suspicion

Tragedy Befalls Mennonite Man After Not Liking and Sharing Anti-Trudeau Meme

April 20, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB After an unbroken streak of fifty-three days of inane manipulative meme-sharing, Mr. Hiebert neglected to like and share a political meme that he agreed with and was met with a fate worse than […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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