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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

A Guide to Underwear Shopping for Mennonite Men

February 20, 2021 Andrew

Ahh, yes, underwear shopping, every Mennonite man’s biggest fear. Well, fear no more, the Daily Bonnet has created this handy guide that will make underwear shopping as painless as possible. Just follow these step-by-step instructions […]

The Daily Bonnet

Tickets for Mennonite Hip-Hop Musical ‘Hostetler’ Impossible to Get

February 19, 2021 Andrew

HOLLSOPPLE, PA Tickets for the new hip-hop musical telling the life story of former NFL quarterback Jeff Hostetler were snatched up so quickly that even Mrs. Kauffman couldn’t get her hands on a pair. “I’ve […]

Unger Suspicion

Spoiler Isn’t Making Your Car Any Faster, It’s Just Making You Look that Much More Desperate

February 18, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A new report indicates that putting a spoiler on your Honda Civic or Mazda 3 does not turn it into a Ferrari, but might just possibly get the laughs of everyone around you. […]

Unger Suspicion

Area Man Still Can’t Get that Pink Pie

February 17, 2021 Andrew

NIAGARA-ON-THE-LAKE, ON Dwight Braun, 63, of Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario has been one pink pie away from winning this game of Trivial Pursuit that he started in 1981. “Those entertainment questions are absolutely killer,” said Braun. “I […]

The Daily Bonnet

Taunte Lina Becomes Instagram Influencer

February 16, 2021 Andrew

REINLAND, MB Unbeknownst to her grandchildren, over the past few months Taunte Lina has amassed a massive following and become one of Instagram’s top influencers. “I can yikyak and tiktok with the best of them,” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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