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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Controversial Politician Supports Mandatory Vacations

September 18, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A controversial candidate in the Winkler area has come out in favour of mandatory vacations, a plan that shockingly includes vacations even for dairy farmers. “We have to think of the health of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Can’t Decide Whether Politician He Hates is a Nazi or a Commie

September 17, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local man Mr. Fehr is struggling to decided whether a politician he hates is a Nazi or a Communist. “There aren’t any other options,” said Mr. Fehr. “If I disagree with that man […]

Unger Suspicion

Newlyweds Excited to Rip Each Other’s Masks Off in the Hotel Room Later Today

September 15, 2021 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Allan Wiebe and Lydia Brandt were married at the EMCB church this afternoon and are excited to rip off their masks at the Days Inn after the reception. “We started dating last spring, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Invite You to Celebrate their Heritage by Abstaining from Drinking and Dancing All Week

September 14, 2021 Andrew

ST. JACOBS, ON It’s Mennonite Heritage Week once again and that means all Canadians are welcome to join us as we refrain from drinking and dancing all this week. “It’s going to be to most […]

Unger Suspicion

Anti-Pantsers Demand Their Constitutional Rights

September 13, 2021 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Thousands of angry anti-pantsers invaded Leamington this week and decided to dine at local restaurants without sporting any bottoms whatsoever. “I’ve never had to use so much Lysol in all my life,” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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