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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Still Using the Toilet Paper She Bought Last Year

March 17, 2021 Andrew

MOOSE JAW, SK Rose Bueckert, 43, of Moose Jaw has barely even scratched the surface of all the extra absorbent Cottonelle she panic-bought at the beginning of the pandemic last year. “It’s just like all […]

Unger Suspicion

Tom Brady Signs Massive $50 Million Geritol Endorsement Deal

March 16, 2021 Andrew

TAMPA BAY, FL Aging NFL quarterback Tom Brady has signed a new two-year deal worth close to $50 million to endorse Geritol multivitamins. “I figure by the time I’m done this new contact with the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Appear in New Reality Show ‘Quilting with the Stars’

March 15, 2021 Andrew

ARBORG, MB Mrs. Bergman and Mrs. Kroeker or Arborg are just two of the many skilled Mennonite artisans to be featured on the upcoming season of ‘Quilting with the Stars.’ “We’ve been working on a […]

Unger Games

Dwayne Johnson ‘Guaran-damn-tee’s He Won’t Totally Destroy the CFL

March 14, 2021 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The CFL announced this week that they’re in talks with a former pro wrestler to potentially throw away 150 years of Canadian football tradition in exchange for a bit part in the next […]

Unger & Thirst

Saskatchewan Butcher Claims His Farmer Sausage is Just as Good as Anything they Make in Manitoba

March 13, 2021 Andrew

CHORTITZ, SK Still reeling from the 2019 CFL season, Saskatchewan man Peter Klassen is making bold claims that his farmer sausage is just as good, if not better, than the stuff made in southern Manitoba. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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