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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Newlyweds Look Like “They’ve Been Practicing”

August 11, 2021 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK When Maria Driedger and Peter Wall tied the knot this past Saturday, gasps went out throughout the crowd as their “first kiss” appeared to be anything but. “A dip and a swirl and […]

Unger Suspicion

Brian Pallister to Manitobans: “You Can’t Fire Me; I Quit!”

August 10, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After sinking to a historic low in the approval ratings, Manitoba Premier Brian Pallister tossed over his desk this morning in a huff and could be heard yelling “you can’t fire me; I […]

Unger Suspicion

Local MP Comes Out as Flat Earther

August 9, 2021 Andrew

STEINKOPP, MB After months of speculation where he refused to say one way or another, Steinkopp MP Bed Sulk has put the speculation to rest and come out as a staunch anti-round Earther. “I’m always […]

Unger Suspicion

Man Who Believes Any Stupid Crap He Reads Online Thinks You’re the One Who’s a Sheep

August 8, 2021 Andrew

DOMMHEIT, AB Local man Mr. Kooltje, 43, who gets all his information from memes and YouTube videos, believes that those who don’t believe stupid crap they find online are “sheep.” “They’re just obeying whatever the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Convinced He Has a 50% Chance of Winning 50/50 Draw

August 7, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mr. Goossen was at a slo-pitch tournament in Winnipeg this week when he decided to give up his lifelong abstention from gambling and buy a 50/50 ticket. “I know I’m not supposed to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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