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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

O’Toole Offers Mennonites Half Off at Chicken Chef

September 11, 2021 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Following up an election promise of discounts at Swiss Chalet, Conservative leader Erin O’Toole is now wooing Mennonite voters by promising a really good deal at Chicken Chef yet once. “Oba jo!” said […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Rush to Stock Up on ‘Reimermectin’

September 10, 2021 Andrew

PEADDSSTAUL, MB A new “miracle drug” called Reimermectin is flying off the shelves in southern Manitoba this week after rumours spread that it can cure all that ails you. “I’m not sure what’s in there, […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Weekly to Feature Provocative Centrefold

September 9, 2021 Andrew

ELIDA, OH In an effort to boost subscriptions, a prominent Mennonite church publication will now feature a new provocative centrefold each week. “In coming weeks we’ve got some highly provocative photos of two Calvinists and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Eager to Tell Everyone About Her Medical History

September 8, 2021 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Taunte Lina, 86, of Chilliwack was devastated to find a sign on the door of a local business saying that they were defying government health orders requiring proof of vaccination and would not […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Students Pin Malcolm Gladwell Posters All Over Their Lockers

September 7, 2021 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Students at Conrad Grebel University College were shown to their lockers this week and immediately began plastering Malcolm Gladwell posters all over them. “It used to be all Stanley Hauerwas, but young Mennonites […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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