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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Canadians Demand to Have King ‘Burton Cummings’ Added to New Banknotes

September 21, 2022 Andrew

MOOSE JAW, SK In a coronation ceremony held in Moose Jaw this afternoon, legendary moustachioed musician Burton Cummings ascended to the Canadian throne. The move means the new $50 bill will now feature a late […]

The Daily Bonnet

Yes, ‘Skinny Dyck’ of Lethbridge is Real and, No, the Daily Bonnet Didn’t Just Make Him Up

September 20, 2022 Andrew

LETHBRIDGE, AB Unlike a number of made-up musicians in Daily Bonnet history such as the Goertzen Family singers or, say, the great Mennonite hip-hop artist Corny Reimer, up-and-coming alt-country artist Skinny Dyck of Lethbridge is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Scramble to Book the Common Room at Oma’s Manor for Upcoming Christmas Gatherings

September 19, 2022 Andrew

BLACK CREEK, BC Mennonites across the continent were in a mad dash this week to book the common room at oma’s manor for upcoming Christmas gatherings. “If you don’t book it by mid-September you’re out […]

Unger Suspicion

British Tabloids Compare King Charles’s Fingers to Mennonite Farmer Sausage

September 18, 2022 Andrew

LONDON, UK It’s the biggest scandal so far of his reign. Yes, indeed. New photographic evidence suggests King Charles III’s fingers bear an uncanny resemblance to Mennonite farmer sausage. “I’m not sure why we didn’t […]

Unger Suspicion

Man in Cheetos-Stained Boxer Shorts Appointed Captain of the Winnipeg Jets

September 17, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Big news in the hockey world this week as local mom’s basement-dweller Al Kroeker, 38, of Winnipeg has just been appointed Captain of the Winnipeg Jets for the upcoming season. “It looks like […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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