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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Caught Distributing Yerba Mate on Halloween

November 1, 2022 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Children across Altona were coming home with handfuls of yerba mate last night after Mrs. Kroeker ran out of Halloween candy and decided to make do with what she had around the house. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman All Out of Candy Already

October 31, 2022 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Area woman Angie Neufeld, 38, was all out of candy at 5:30 PM this evening and has shut off her lights and gone to bed. “Sorry, kids, better try next door at the […]

Unger Suspicion

Rembrandt Painting Has Been Hanging Upside Down for 400 Years

October 30, 2022 Andrew

BERLIN, GERMANY The Gemäldegalerie in Berlin has recently discovered that the famous Rembrandt painting of a Mennonite pastor and his wife has been hanging upside down for the past four centuries. “I’m not sure how this […]

Unger Conviction

New Pill Makes Mennonite Church Service Tolerable

October 29, 2022 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC After decades of research, a brand new pill has been approved by the Mennonite Health Service that makes Sunday morning church services just barely tolerable. “I don’t use this term lightly, but it’s […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Already Crafting His Snarky Rebuttal to Michael Zwaagstra’s Latest Column

October 28, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Steinbach resident Mr. Unrau was enjoying a lovely afternoon at KR Barkman Park, paging through The Carillon, when he flipped to the opinion page to read Michael Zwaagstra’s take on the latest hot button issue. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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