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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

“Of course they’re edible!” Mennonite Woman Brings Potent Snack to Church Potluck

September 13, 2022 Andrew

ST. JACOBS, ON Everything seemed to be going just fine at the West Side St. Jacob’s New Mennonite Church potluck this Saturday afternoon, until guests started snacking on the delicious red gummies that Mrs. Zehr […]

The Daily Bonnet

Baz Luhrmann Directs New Corny Rempel Biopic

September 12, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Renowned Hollywood director Baz Luhrmann has just released a brand new $300 million biopic of southern Manitoba’s greatest Elvis tribute artist and radio personality Corny Rempel. “It tells his story from his modest […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Makes Millions Selling Chicken Coops to Calgary Yuppies

September 11, 2022 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Abe Koop of Linden, Alberta has capitalized on a strange new trend among Calgary yuppies: backyard chicken coops. Since the trend of raising your owns chickens caught on in Calgary, like, three weeks […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Issues Memo Against Signing Garrett Marino

September 10, 2022 Andrew

REGINA, SK After a number of controversial hits that resulted in him being cut from the team, former Saskatchewan Roughriders defensive lineman Garrett Marino will have to look for work elsewhere. Joining the staff of […]

Unger & Thirst

Truck Spills Schmaunt Fat All Over Memphis Highway

September 9, 2022 Andrew

MEMPHIS, TN “The schmaunt fat was everywhere. The schmaunt fat was in the northbound lane. The schmaunt fat was in the southbound lane. The schmaunt fat was pooling in all the potholes.” This, according to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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