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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

British Tabloids Compare King Charles’s Fingers to Mennonite Farmer Sausage

September 18, 2022 Andrew

LONDON, UK It’s the biggest scandal so far of his reign. Yes, indeed. New photographic evidence suggests King Charles III’s fingers bear an uncanny resemblance to Mennonite farmer sausage. “I’m not sure why we didn’t […]

Unger Suspicion

Man in Cheetos-Stained Boxer Shorts Appointed Captain of the Winnipeg Jets

September 17, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Big news in the hockey world this week as local mom’s basement-dweller Al Kroeker, 38, of Winnipeg has just been appointed Captain of the Winnipeg Jets for the upcoming season. “It looks like […]

Unger Conviction

Two Groups That Absolutely Hate Each Other and Disagree on Nearly Everything Both Say They’re “Christians”

September 16, 2022 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX A number of supposedly Christian groups have gathered in Seminole this week to discuss what they have in common, which, as it turns out, is absolutely nothing. “It’s almost as if we’re all […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Has So Much Rhubarb She Doesn’t Know What To Do With It All

September 15, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB For the first time in her 83-year-existence, Mrs. Wiens of Winkler has more rhubarb than she knows what to do with yet once. “Oba, waut de kuckuck will I do with all this […]

Unger Suspicion

Hundreds of Canadian Politicians to “Mourn the Queen” at the Lake this Monday While Everyone Else Works

September 14, 2022 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Politicians across Canada are so heartbroken over the death of Her Majesty that they’ve decided that what they really need is a nice long weekend while everyone else is working. “Ahh, it sure […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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