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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Area Woman Picks “Gross Onions” Off Her Burger while Devouring Her “Delicious Onion Rings”

October 29, 2023 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Area woman Coleen Loewen drew quite the crowd at her local A&W this afternoon as she picked off all the onions from her burger while simultaneously devouring a bag of delicious onion rings. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Suspends Man 41 Weeks for Using Playing Cards

October 28, 2023 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Area man David Schmidt, 33, has been suspended from church until well into next summer for doing a card trick for his niece Jessica at a recent family gathering. “Ugh, all I did […]

Unger Suspicion

Hallmark Quickly Films Hundreds of Christmas Movies Before the Snow Melts

October 27, 2023 Andrew

VANAPAG, MB The early snowfall in southern Manitoba this week spurred on the production of more than 100 Hallmark Christmas movies, all filmed in rapid order before the snow melts again. “As soon as we […]

The Daily Bonnet

Snow Arrives Just in Time to Ruin Halloween

October 26, 2023 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of Mennonites across Manitoba breathed a sigh of relief this week as a massive snowstorm has more or less ruined any chance at at decent Halloween this year. “Oba, my children were […]

Unger Games

Mennonites Excited as NHL Rescinds Ban on Noah’s Ark Tape

October 25, 2023 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON After going back and forth on the issue, the NHL has decided it will allow players to use Noah’s ark tape after all. “Oba jo, finally some biblical tape for us Mennonites,” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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