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Month: September 2022

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Accidentally Reads Men’s Study Bible

September 24, 2022 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Mrs. Neufeld from over in Chilliwack caused quite the stir at the 1st Chilliwack MCBC church this week after showing up sporting a loud purple blouse and a men’s study Bible. “Well I […]

Unger Games

Toronto Couple Sells Small Empty Lot to Buy 40% Stake in the Maple Leafs

September 23, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Toronto school teachers, Pamela and Andrew Doerksen, have just sold a small empty Danforth lot for $990 million and used the money to buy, like, 40% of the Toronto Maple Leafs. “I had […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler to Implement New ‘ArriveVankla’ App

September 22, 2022 Andrew

VANKLA, MB Just as the federal government is set to scrap the glitchy ArriveCan app, the city of Winkler has decided to add a new “ArriveVankla” app for all visitors from Jantsied or Morden yet […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadians Demand to Have King ‘Burton Cummings’ Added to New Banknotes

September 21, 2022 Andrew

MOOSE JAW, SK In a coronation ceremony held in Moose Jaw this afternoon, legendary moustachioed musician Burton Cummings ascended to the Canadian throne. The move means the new $50 bill will now feature a late […]

The Daily Bonnet

Yes, ‘Skinny Dyck’ of Lethbridge is Real and, No, the Daily Bonnet Didn’t Just Make Him Up

September 20, 2022 Andrew

LETHBRIDGE, AB Unlike a number of made-up musicians in Daily Bonnet history such as the Goertzen Family singers or, say, the great Mennonite hip-hop artist Corny Reimer, up-and-coming alt-country artist Skinny Dyck of Lethbridge is […]

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